10 things to know about pregnancy after a miscarriage

Phew, this one has been hard to write. But I think it’s important. With up to 25% of pregnant women experiencing miscarriage it’s, stupidly, still a taboo subject! Despite that shockingly high number it’s not talked about enough, women are not given enough information from the get-go, we are not given enough support during or after the fact and we are most certainly not prepared with how to cope with pregnancy after miscarriage.

Since I opened up about my miscarriage and I started teaching pregnancy yoga I have been honoured to hear stories from women all over the world that have struggled, or are currently struggling through a loss or with the anxiety of pregnancy after a loss. If you’re thinking of trying again, or if you’re pregnant again after a miscarriage and feeling like you’re all alone in the world feeling what you’re feeling then I hope this article brings you some comfort.

Here’s what you should know about pregnancy after a miscarriage

1. If you haven’t worked through the trauma of your previous miscarriage it will show up now. In fact, even if you have, it’s likely going to rear its ugly head again. It was important for me to understand my triggers, and to acknowledge that a lot of what I was feeling was attached to this trauma. If you can, it’s very well worth seeing a therapist to help you understand your triggers and help you work through it all. My one regret is that I didn’t get professional help to see me through that torrid first trimester.

2. Hormones will make it worse! Dealing with fear and anxiety is hard enough, but just to make matters worse you are being pumped full of hormones that make everything seem one billion times worse. One afternoon I was so anxious and worked up I had to close the curtains and curl up in bed where I cried myself to sleep and work up after dark. I moved through the rush of emotions, but through it all I knew that I was triggered and I knew that I’m not the kind of person to hide in the dark and cry.

   You’re not yourself right now, but stay strong Mama you will be again, soon enough.

3. No one is expecting you to be strong right now. I can’t stress this one enough. Women, especially mothers and especially women who have walked this path before you know that you’re carrying an almost unbearably heavy load.

4. Going at it alone will only make it harder. It’s an annoyingly common practice to not tell people that you’re pregnant before you hit the 12 week mark and it’s “safe” to do so. But when you isolate yourself like this you make things so much harder than they already are. Reach out and speak to close friends, family and anyone who has been where you are now - tell them what you are going through and that you need their support. You don’t have to tell the world, but you don’t have to do this alone.

5. Your anxiety may not pass after 12 weeks. If you miscarried before 12 weeks previously then hitting that important 12-week mark and seeing your little bundle of joy bouncing around on the screen can be a huge relief (the same can be said for 20 weeks, or further). It certainly was for me! But you’ve started on a lifelong journey of worrying about your little one’s safety, so don’t be surprised if the fear and worry you experienced in the early months sneaks back in on occasion. Revert back to being kind to yourself, taking support where you need it and reminding yourself that this too shall pass.

6. Don’t let the wait break you down. One of the best things I did for myself in the first trimester of pregnancy after my miscarriage was book private scans. It cost a bomb, but your inner peace is worth every penny! I booked scans every two to three weeks to check in and, even though showing up to every one felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done, it was so so worth it!

7. You will be okay. You really will be; your loss has made you kinder, more courageous and more resilient - you can handle whatever lies ahead of you. Remind yourself constantly that you can do hard things; write it on a post-it and stick it somewhere you can see it every day or multiple times a day.

8. Don’t forget to care for yourself. Self care and loving kindness are more important now than ever before - make sure you keep moving, even if that’s just taking a walk every day or two, eat as healthy as possible but don’t put any pressure on yourself to do so (I survived off mainly coco pops and chicken wings!) and surround yourself with people who make you feel good.

   If you feel like you need to be the person who has to just “tough it out” I’m here to give you permission to slow down, to allow yourself to feel hard things and to be loved and supported.

9. Check your inner dialogue and make changes where you need to. I noticed too late that I was always just expecting something to wrong, and when any signs of a potential problem showed up I thought, “I just knew it would happen again!” It took some time, but I eventually managed to flick the switch on my inner dialogue. I told myself that miscarriage is not the usual outcome for pregnancy; a healthy, happy pregnancy is the norm and I was in the majority. Remember, the odds really are in your favour!

10. You can do hard things. I’m saying it again, because this became somewhat of a mantra for me in the early months.

    Remind yourself often that you are strong, that you are capable, that you are in the majority and that you are deserving.

Using yoga to support your pregnancy

I started studying and teaching pregnancy yoga after my miscarriage, because this practice held me through it all in a way that I will always be so grateful for. I wanted to share the strength and wisdom I had found using yoga to support my pregnancy with other expectant mothers and so I created the Pregnancy Yoga Membership Platform to do just that!